A Pirate's Choice
by knottythoughts
Summary: Regina's revenge after Marion returns, leaves Killian with a devastating decision between Swan and his first love. An AU version of Season 4.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Pirate's Chioce

Author: knottythoughts

Rating: M (will be)

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Once Upon A Time.

Author's Note: This could be an accompanying piece to my story "Stay With Me", but that wasn't the original intention.

She may no longer be the Evil Queen, but when hurt, Regina Mills lashed out. As the Queen she'd been able to embrace this fatal flaw, but now, watching Emma's pain, watching Hook's pain, the satisfaction of revenge didn't have the same rush as it did before.

"Milah," Killian gasped.

"Killian," the pirate's first love cried out throwing herself into his arms.

"But how?" Killian demanded.

"The Queen. Somehow she pulled me away from that time, just before I died. She saved him with her magic. I don't know why she did it, but I'm here, my love, I'm alive."

"Yes, yes, you are, love," Killian breathed out, his voice full of barely contained emotion.

"What's wrong, Killian?" Milah asked. "Where are we?"

"Another realm from where last I saw you, Milah, and a very long time ago."

"Long time?"

"Aye, love. 300 years long. It's a very long story, one I take it Regina was not kind enough to tell you while she was miraculously saving you."

"No, it was so quick I was dying there and now I'm here. Do you not remember her coming? Telling you to let me go and she would save me?"

Killian glanced over at the Evil Queen. "I have a feeling that moment was altered for me somehow."

"You've been 300 years without me, not knowing I would somehow live?"

"You've been dead for me, Milah. Taken from me and I spent years searching for the crocodile that took you."

"Rumple? Did you succeed?"

"A part of that long story, love."

Looking behind Killian, Milah took note of the blonde with the stony expression who kept looking between her and Killian and the Evil Queen.

"Who are you?" Milah asked.

Startled, Killian looked over his shoulder. In the shock of seeing Milah he'd forgotten where he was.

Only the night before him and Swan had returned from the past, and celebrating at Granny's had turned into a kiss on the patio, which had led to a night of true passion. One, it was harder to admit with Milah in his arms, had been unparalleled.

"Emma Swan." The blonde held Milah's gave steady. His defiant Swan. How much trust had he potential lost by taking Milah into his embrace?

"Do I know you, Emma Swan?" Milah asked a bit snidely.

Emma smirked back. "You're the one who interrupted our conversation."

Before Milah could reply, another voice spoke up, "Milah? Wait, as in...?"

"Aye, lad," Killian agreed. "You're grandmother Milah."

Milah looked at the not such a boy in front of her. "Grandmother?"

"He's Baelfire's boy, Milah."

"Baelfire? He's here?"

Emma's face showed real emotion for the first time since Milah's unexpected arrival. "No, Milah. I'm sorry. He sacrificed himself to save us, all of us."

As Milah began to sob, Emma couldn't hate Killian for pulling the out-of-time woman into her arms. Couldn't hate him, because he wouldn't be the man she had just begun to admit meant a lot more to her, but she couldn't help the lash of extreme jealousy nor the seething rage at Regina.

Leaving Killian the time to comfort his once would-be-bride Emma took Regina's arm and began pulling her out of the restaurant.

"Emma –."

"Save it, Regina. We're even, right?"

"No."

"No!" Emma cried. "What more do you need to satisfy your vengeance?"

"Nothing?"

The response had Emma pausing in her rage.

"Nothing, Emma. Your hurt to me was not intentional, mine was. My...my anger got the better of me, made me petty. As soon as I did it, I regretted it. I thought of saving her then just letting her go in another realm so you'd likely never pass. And the thought of outright killing her so that nothing really would have changed crossed my mind, but," Regina swallowed then met Emma's eyes again, "But I have. Not nearly enough it seems."

"No," Emma agreed. "But I can't really be angry that you saved a life, just that you did it for all the wrong reasons."

"I know. I need to speak with Henry, to...I don't even know, explain. How will I explain this...?"

"Henry loves you."

Regina moved past Emma and headed back into the restaurant. Following Regina's progress back into Emma caught sight of Killian and the woman who clung to him. Unable to deal, Emma took more time outside pulling out her cell. "Yeah, Gold, ...Milah's alive...yes, that Milah...yep, Regina...Granny's." Would Milah even recognize the man her husband was now. The husband who only the night before had married his Belle.

Emma wondered if Milah would recognize the man was now.

The small part of her being hoped not.

With great annoyance she realized she stood outside of Granny's staring in allowing another to inadvertently dictate her actions. Giving herself a quick mental ass kicking Emma made her way back inside.

Regina was standing to the side of Henry with her stone-bitch face Emma had come to realize that the mayor used to disguise what she was feeling.

"Hey, kiddo," Emma indicated for him to move towards her and away from Killian and Milah. "Let's give them time to reacquaint themselves. Are you good with staying with Regina tonight? I'll pick you up tomorrow."

"Sure, mom."

"Come, Henry," Regina said.

Emma turned her attention to the other people in the room saying a quick goodnight before making her way out.

"Swan!" she heard him call from behind her.

She turned to face him. He looked like he had a million things to say to her, but no idea how to say them.

She knew the feeling.

"It's okay, Killian. I understand."

"Do you, love? Cause I sure don't. How can I say this changes nothing? It does, and it doesn't!" His confusion seemed to turn to rage. "Three hundred years I clung to her memory. Believed she was my true and only love and the only reason I went on was seeking revenge for her death."

She let him rage, knowing he needed to.

His expression didn't soften as he continued, "And then I met you. And I hated you so much."

"What?!"

"I hated that you made me feel. Made me forget my vengeance." His expression saddened now. "Made me forget her, because whether I wanted to or not, I knew not only that I could, but did love again."

"Killian -."

"Please, Swan. Let me finish. You know how I feel about you. And while you don't love me – yet – I know you're starting to believe you could and last night was a huge step for you, for us..."

"Are you done?" Emma asked when his rant seemed to just suddenly die.

"I don't know what to say."

"I understand, Killian, I do. It's Milah."

"Yes," he agreed. "It's Milah. But I don't know if I'm truly Milah's Killian anymore, but I'm all she has at the moment and she's just been pulled from a world where I was and placed in this one."

"It's not exactly a normal 'my ex is back' situation," Emma attempted a lightening of the situation.

"I have no right to ask this, Swan. I know this, but..."

Emma reached out to touch Killian's face silencing him. "I understand, Killian. None of this is either of your faults and if you just brushed off Milah, or even me, then you're not the man I...I...respect. I won't wait forever, Killian, but I understand that you need time."

Pulling her close Killian kissed her with a desperate passion before letting her go reluctantly and heading back towards Granny's where Milah waited.


	2. Chapter 2

A Pirate's Choice Chapter 2

Despite the fact that the town was unaware of the night she'd spent with Killian, the amount of looks of pity she received from the townspeople of Storybrooke told Emma Swan that her relationship with the notorious pirate hadn't been so secret after all. Looked at as the jilted love made Emma want to punch anyone who gave her that frustrating look of pity.

Killian himself had not been seen much, nor his lovely Milah. He'd taken her to his room at Granny's and other than the pickup of food they had not been seen. One on hand, Emma was happy not to see them together, but knowing they were holed up together in his room was messing with her head.

How could she blame him if all they had been doing for the past forty-eight hours was ripping each others' clothes off? Having now experienced his talents first hand, she couldn't blame Milah from being unable to keep her hands off him. She had been his first love. His true love? They'd planned to marry, been ripped apart by her supposed death, and he'd travelled realms looking for his Crocodile to seek his vengeance.

She believed he loved her. She truly did. But how does one complete with a man's thought-dead true love? Was it even right to? To make Killian feel guilty for feeling anything for her that unintentionally betrayed his Milah. Did he hate her again? Would he tell Milah about her?

Frustrated with herself she tried to shake off the endless mindfuck going through her head, unaware she had growled out loud until she saw the off look on passerbyers' faces.

Passing Granny's, seeing Ruby behind the bar, Emma made her way inside to her friend. Smiling at her, she almost turned around when she saw Killian coming down the backstairs, but she knew that people had seen her intention of entering and by retreating it would just confirm that she deserved their pity.

"Hey, Ruby!" he called out as she entered the diner. "Can I get a coffee to go please?"

"No problem, Emma."

She could feel him it pained her to realize. Even if she hadn't seen him enter the room she would have known he was there. She hadn't realized until now just how sensitive her body was to his presence.

"Swan?" she heard him hesitantly say.

"Morning, Killian. How are you?" She was impressed with herself that she sounded like she could be greeting anyone in town.

"Emma?" he began hesitantly.

Ruby approached them at that moment. Taking the coffee from her and handing her payment over Emma smiled at Ruby thanking her.

Turning to Killian she gave him a large friendly smile. "I'll talk to you later, Killian."

Heading towards the Sheriff's Station Emma tried to push Killian from her mind.

"Swan!" she heard from behind him. Wanting to pretend he wasn't there wouldn't help the situation so she turned around to greet him keeping her expression as neutral as possible.

"Hook."

A slight look of pain crossed his face when she used his moniker. To most, he was still the notorious pirate, Captain Hook, but Emma had learned to trust him, had grown to see him as Killian Jones, the man he'd been – the one he'd started to become again because of Emma.

They stood there on the street just staring at each other without saying anything, until frustrated by the awkwardness Emma asked, "Is there something you want, Hook? I need to get to the Station."

"I just…" he trailed off unsure of what to say. He'd seen Emma in the diner and when she left he'd not hesitated to follow her.

Giving him a weak smile and a nod of understanding, Emma turned and began to walk away.

"I haven't slept with her."

Quickly turning back she glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to hear what he'd told her. Looking around she indicated for him to follow her. Ducking into an alleyway and behind the building she glanced around to make sure they were unlikely to be interrupted or overheard. Satisfied of the unlikelihood she turned back to him.

"Why are you telling me this?" Emma demanded.

"I don't know. I felt I needed to."

"You didn't, Killian."

"Didn't I?" Those startling blue eyes seared into hers. She wanted to reach out to him, feel the roughness of his beard under her palm. Feel the softness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it. She shook off the thoughts that were distracting her.

"I would have understood if you had. If you – if you," she paused to centre herself. "If you do."

"Would you?"

Emma nodded. "I would understand."

Killian looked at her strangely. "Are you giving me permission?"

"No. Of course not. You don't need my permission. I don't have the right to give it. Not really."

"I would understand if you told me I couldn't. If having a future with you meant not sleeping with her."

"Is that what you want, Killian? To make me give you an ultimatum, to make it easy for you to make your choice?"

Killian sighed. "No, of course not."

"Good, because I won't be that girl."

Killian nodded. "No, you wouldn't be."

There was something in his tone that told her more than he was saying, but she didn't push him for what he meant. "I really do need to go, Killian. David will be waiting for me at the Station."

He nodded again. Giving him a small smile she was almost past him when she felt his hand on her arm. Glancing down at it, she then looked back up at his face. In eyes were a mixture of pain – and lust. She didn't resist when he pulled her into him and took her mouth of a stunning kiss.

Their mouth devoured each other as if it hadn't just been a few days since they'd been together, battling for control, demanding submission and more – just more, and more, and more.

Emma had had no intention of this happening between them, especially not in an alleyway in the middle of the day, but she was quickly learning that the more she gave him, the less control she seemed to have over her body – and the less she wanted to.

She didn't even remember intending to become even more intimate with him, yet one moment her hands were filled with his hair, the next they were filled with his cock, which seemed only right as he'd seemed to have similar intentions and without her realizing it had happened, his mouth was now latched to her breast and his hand was delving beneath her panties.

"Shit, Killian we shouldn't be doing this," she breathed out in a moment of conscious that didn't extend to her hand that was still stroking him, nor her hips that were tilting and demanding more.

"Aye, lass," he agreed. "I should be deep inside that pussy."

Despite herself a laugh which quickly turned to a moan escaped her lips. "That's not what I meant, Killian."

"I know, Swan, but do you really want me to stop?" He paused momentarily to meet her eyes and really look at her.

"No, but this is a mistake."

"We could go no further then, lass."

In all likelihood Killian would choose Milah. He'd spent hundreds of years trying to get her back and the only reason he wasn't currently with her was because of this "thing" between the two of them. She could let it continue and very likely lose him altogether because he'd hate her for "tempting" him again. Then, if she was going to lose him anyway, what was keeping her from having him one last time.

Of course there was also the possibility he would choose her, but Emma wasn't prone to thinking on the positive side so every time that thought came into her head, she pushed it back out so that hope wouldn't make this whole thing worse.

Whether it was selfish, destructive, or whatever other adjective you wanted to attribute to the situation, Emma made her choice and dived in, grabbing him and bringing his mouth back to her. She tried not to hear the sound of relief that escaped his lips before she turned off her head, and just allowed herself to feel.

Hands stroking, breath combining, it didn't take long before she was pressed against the building and being lifted so that she was riding him.

"Oh god, Swan. Take me, take all of me," he was pleading between desperate kisses.

Finding his lips again over and over, she responded, "Always."


	3. Chapter 3

A Pirate's Choice Chapter 3

Author's Note: Apologies for the short, but I'm hoping sweet chapter.

As Emma slowly returned to sanity, she realized that she had the spot between his neck and his shoulder firmly grasped within her teeth so hard she was surprised she hadn't drawn blood. She was shocked that she had had enough frame of mind within her to muffle the scream he'd torn from her.

"Sorry," she'd smiled at him sheepishly, a slight pink staining her cheeks at the same time she savoured the taste of him in her mouth.

"Needn't worry, lass," she said with a cocky smirk on his face. "I'll relish the mark you put on me as evidence of a job well done."

"You're an arrogant prick," Emma tried to chastise with dignity even with her legs still wrapped around his waist and only his strength and the wall keeping her vertical – not to mention his cock was still buried deep within her…

His grin only deepened, "Aye, it is rather arrogant one, now isn't it." He moved slightly, reminding her just how intimately they were currently connected. "But it does have reassurances that it deserves the ego it's developed."

Emma wished a witty comeback was on the tip of her tongue, as opposed to the slightly embarrassing, desperate moan that left it instead as he once again moved within her.

"How are you possibly…?" was all she was able to form.

"What can I say, lass?" he asked as his hand reached down to cup her ass and bring her into a position that had her falling back into the spot that she'd been biting only moments before. "You're an inspiration."

"I should really be going, Killian," she hissed into his neck as he moved again. "David is waiting for me. I should be at work."

"Don't go yet, love. I have no desire for reality quite yet." His piercing blue eyes pleaded with hers. Those moments of vulnerability that he gave her made it so hard to keep up those walls she'd been building since she was a child. Some people had tried to bulldoze them down. Some had tried to chip away at them little by little. He'd maybe done a little of both, but more, he'd kept giving her reasons to take them down herself a little at a time until before she knew it, one, then another, then another had been taken down leaving her just as vulnerable to him.

Reaching up, she brought her hands up to run her fingers through the soft hair at the back of his neck. For a long moment they just looked at each other, bodies connected, but more than that was the connection between their gazes. Leaning in, she let her lips graze his telling him as clearly as possible, that she was not willing to return to reality any more than he was.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: A Pirate's Chioce

Author: knottythoughts

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Once Upon A Time.

Author's Note: This could be an accompanying piece to my story "Stay With Me", but that wasn't the original intention. AU as of season 4.

Hook lay in bed, the woman he'd considered the love of his life for so long – tragically stolen from him after such a brief time together – lay in his arms. Sleeping contently, she didn't know the uproarious thoughts running through his head.

Only days ago she had been returned to him. Only a few years ago he would have given everything he had to be exactly like this, but that was before he'd met Emma and only days before Milah had returned he'd finally made progress in winning the heart of the lovely Swan.

Now, lying in bed as the woman he'd spent hundreds of years believing was his one true love slept, both of them fully clothed as he'd somehow convinced Milah that she needed to know him again before she decided if he was still the man, feeling as though he were cheating on Emma. Yet, while lying next to Milah, he could think of little more than what had progressed between him and Emma only the night before, and that felt like he was cheating on Milah.

Even now, his cock began to harden as he remembered all too clearly the way Emma moaned, the way she clenched him tight, and the way she'd bitten his shoulder. The mark she left still held the faint imprint of her teeth – a fact he would normally take great pride in.

He had his Milah back, but all he could think of was his Swan. In many ways the choice was so very, very simple.

In others it was the most difficult decision he'd ever made in his life.

Getting up he moved away from the sleeping Milah. Cock hard for another woman he couldn't honestly lie next to her.

xxxxxx

Milah's eyes opened as Killian left the room. _A_ Killian anyway.

He looked the same. He dressed the same. He smelled of the sea, had eyes that could pierce your heart, and a smirk that had charmed the panties off of many a bar wench.

But in so many ways this was not her Killian.

He was harder. Not so much the man who had adopted being the pirate out of heart-break and disillusionment, but a man who had sought revenge, done, she suspected, many terrible things, in the search for revenge. The search for revenge over her death. It was a hard fact to get across her brain.

The man she loved had held her in his arms as she died – three hundred years ago.

The man she loved had held her in his arms only a moment ago – yet the arms that had held her had felt like a strangers.

She missed her Killian.

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Emma lay in bed and despite the fact that no one had ever slept with her there, it felt empty.

She missed her Killian.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: A Pirate's Choice

Author: knottythoughts

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Once Upon A Time.

Chapter 5

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I mean I am going somewhere that isn't here."

"Milah," Killian bit out, his tone that of an exasperated man. "Be more specific."

Milah continued to get herself ready. "Belle, Ruby, and a few other ladies have invited me out to show me the town. To get me further acquainted with this world. Well, me and Marian." She looked down at her clothes. "They are taking us shopping."

Though he wanted to ask exactly who else would be there, he asked instead, "You're going shopping with Belle? Rumplestilkin's wife?"

Milah nodded. "She's quite nice." She smirked, but a smile played on her lips. "It's quite annoying, really. I quite like Ruby though. Girl's got style."

Killian couldn't help but picture Milah wearing one of Ruby's outfits. He could see it. He began to picture Milah's legs in a pair of Ruby's short-shorts, admiring one with his hand as he lifted it up to wrap around his waist; he could practically feel the silk of her skin under his fingertips. Quite quickly he realized it wasn't Milah's legs he was picturing.

"What time should I expect you back then? I'll pick us up food from the diner."

"Not needed, Killian. I've been told I'm to experience a girl's night out after shopping, then something called a sleepover."

"My understanding is there's little actual sleeping at a sleepover. Just talk of men and lots of drinking."

Milah smiled. "Sounds delightful. And you, Killian? A day out on the sea?"

Killian's smile faltered a bit. "Mayhaps. There is a place in town where one can rent a boat. I might look into it."

"Will you ever tell me what happened to the Jolly Roger?"

"She's gone to me, Milah."

Milah paused as she pulled on shoes. "You told me you traded her. The Killian I knew would never trade the Jolly Roger. He'd die, painting her deck with his blood before allowing her to slip from his grasp, let alone give her willing away."

Killian met her eyes. "Yet I did. I hadn't a choice."

While she believed him in what he was saying, it didn't take someone who had known him better than anyone else to realize that he wasn't telling her the full story.

And that she really wouldn't like the full story if he told it.

Booze and lose tongues. Maybe this sleepover was truly a good idea beyond just her need to be out of this small apartment and away from the man who looked like her Killian, yet wasn't.

"Have a good time, Killian. I plan to."

Kissing her on the cheek, he wished her a good time, and tried not to feel the relief at her leaving for the night, nor the desire to go running to his Swan.

xxxoooxxxooo

Sitting by the water, Killian breathed in the salty air trying not to picture himself aboard the Jolly Roger out in the middle of nowhere and everywhere at once. While tempted to take out another ship, his heart couldn't find room in it to allow him to do so. So there he sat, missing the Jolly Roger, never regretting he'd let it go, but missing it nevertheless, breathing in the air that had once been an integral part of his being.

"I thought I might find you here."

He accepted the wave of joy that flowed through his body at the sound of her voice.

"Didja now, love?"

"Yes, there's been rumours around town of a group of women disturbing the peace as they ransack all the clothing stores. My understanding is that Milah is among them, a partner in crime with Ruby and the two of them doing their very best to corrupt Belle."

"And yet instead of hunting them down and arresting them all, here you are."

She sat down next to him. Close enough that he could smell the uniqueness of her skin even over the sea, and feel the heat of her body.

Not looking at him, she replied, "I got into my car with the intention of driving back to the station to get caught up on paperwork and found myself parked in the harbour lot."

They sat there in silence just staring out at the sea for a long period of time until Emma broke the silence, "I know I shouldn't have come, Killian. I didn't mean to come. At least I didn't think I did. Maybe I did…"

"I know, Swan."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, love."

Emma stood up. "I should go."

Killian nodded, still having not looked at her. "Yes, you should." As she began to move away he found himself reaching out. "You should, but I rather you didn't." Eyes finding hers he pulled her back down to the bench. With only a moment's hesitation his hand moved up her arm, buried deep into her hair and pulled her to him lips meeting with a desperation he'd never felt before – even with her.

The kiss was aggressive, both of them vying for control, desperate for more of each other, breathing each other's air as if no other air could keep them alive.

"I've missed you," he breathed between frenzied kisses, hook and hand pulling her as close as he could.

Pulling him close to her as well, Emma replied, "I've missed you, too, Killian."

"I need you so badly, Emma."

A sound of pain escaped her lips. Pulling back, she met his eyes. It was hard to believe that a single person could feel so many things in a singular moment; lust and desire, longing and pain, sadness and despair, even hints of anger. "I need you, too, Killian."

"I'm sorry for all of this, Emma." Killian's eyes reflected back the same emotion that she felt. "Come home with me."

Pulling from his arms, Emma backed away. "For a night. While the wife is away."

"She's not my wife!"

"And I'm not your mistress." Her voice was cold, cutting through his skin, icicle daggers to his heart.

"I didn't mean –"

"No," Emma cut him off. "I know you didn't. Nevertheless…" Adjusting her clothes that had gone askew through their activities she began to back away. "I shouldn't have come…Good-bye, Killian."

He watched her go, heading back to her car, before turning back to the sea – he realized his true _first_ true love. Beautiful, tempting, changeable, and deadly when careless with her. So much like another he knew.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: A Pirate's Choice

Author: knottythoughts

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Once Upon A Time.

Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to get up another chapter. As much as I love writing, I don't seem to be able to get to it as much as I'd like. Ah, life. Thanks for those who have continued to follow this story. Reviews always welcome.

Chapter 6

**Granny's Bed and Breakfast**

"What are you doing, Milah?"

Milah crooked her eyes at him as if questioning his mentality if he wasn't clear on what was going on. It was true. He'd be a damn fool if he didn't know exactly what her intentions were, especially since the bit of lace and silk she wore had almost no mystery to it.

He would have given his right hand to have seen her like this. Now he couldn't figure out how to feel. She looked stunning and his body couldn't help respond to her, but his brain was racing more than his blood.

"There's a fantastic shop in town. I've never seen such finery. Expensive too. If only I knew a pirate who could ransack it," she laughed before giving him a wink. "After he plundered me, of course."

She took a step forward and even that light movement was enough to nearly have her bounty spilling forth.

_His right hand and his right foot_, he corrected himself was an internal mocking laugh at himself. For even he could hear the past tense in his voice and the guilt that knowing brought forth.

As she reached him he found that he had not moved an inch; barely breathed. He felt her hand as she placed it on his chest. The other that she wrapped around the back of his neck to pull him in. He didn't move as he felt her lips touch his. Nor did he move, the second time she brushed her lips to his again. On the third he did. Just the slightest bit. Let himself sink into the woman he'd called his love. Let his hands reach out to truly feel the soft skin and bunched his hands in the silken hair of hers.

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**The Charming's House**

Emma laughed at something her father said, not so much because it was funny, but because her mother, her son, and her son's other mother (or her mother's step-mother) were laughing. For someone who had never had family, she had a lot of it now, both by blood and the others in Storybrooke she'd come to consider family. But as happy as she was, thoughts of Killian were constant and distracting.

She hadn't meant to go to the docks the day before, yet she hadn't seemed to help herself from driving there. And if she were honest with herself, while she'd been avoiding Granny's, she'd been patrolling near the docks a lot more than necessary lately.

She'd learned a lot about letting people into her life in the past couple of years, but she'd still continued to pull away from Hook even after she'd started to trust him, even after realizing that they understood each other.

Even after her feelings for him began to change.

And she'd allowed him in that bit further. Then Milah had come back.

Every bone in her body wanted to fight for him. Every defensive mechanism wanted her to run.

Her family laughed again and she laughed with them, unsuccessfully trying to push Killiah from her mind again.

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**Granny's Bed and Breakfast**

When they pulled away he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he'd made his decision. Or at least – come to accept the decision he'd already made and had been trying to justify largely to himself.

"You don't kiss like him."

Killian quirked an eyebrow at her. "Like who?"

"_My_ Killian." She gave him a sad smile. "For you, I died all those many years ago. In a way, I guess for me, _he_ did. You aren't my Killian any more, but I suspect you know that."

"The lacy bits you're dressed in then? What, I test?"

She nodded thoughtfully, "I guess. I think I needed to be sure. There's a passion there. There could be something between us."

He nodded honestly. "Aye, love. There could be."

"I would have fought her. I would have fought to keep you, Killian," Milah told him. "If you were still my Killian. I would not have given you up."

Killian wrapped his arms around her holding her close. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry what could have been our life was taken from us."

Milah turned her gaze up to him meeting his eyes seeing genuine regret. He might not be her Killian any more, but he was still a man of honour – even as a pirate. "Would you go back?"

Killian's eyes told her the moment he went from confused to understanding what she meant. If he could go back, if he could go back to the time they'd been together, or just go back to being her Killian, would he do it? Something he couldn't say must have been in his eyes. She nodded at him laying her head on his chest to hold him close a moment longer.

Her Killian was gone.

Pulling away she began to pull on some more of the new clothes she'd bought today on her outting with some of the ladies. "I'll be alright in his world, Killian. You don't have to worry about me."

Smiling at her he nodded in agreement. "I know, Milah. You always were the strong, adaptable sort. Even a better pirate than me."

That got a laugh out of her, which was as he'd intended since they'd sent ay a night aboard the Jolly Roger fighting about who was the better pirate.

"Regardless, love, if you need me, I'll be there to help you."

She nodded. "I know, Killian. Now go. I'm keeping this room in our divorce and all the spoils within."

He laughed. "Aye, definitely the better pirate."

Leaning down he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before learning the room at Granny's.

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**The Charming's House**

"I need to go," Emma suddenly said interrupting the conversation.

"What?" David asked. Henry and Regina shared his look of confusion. "Go where?"

"I need to go," Emma repeated throwing on her red leather jacket. She'd waited long enough. Milah might have been Killian's first love, but she was done running. She looked at Mary Margaret nodded at her and gave her a knowing smile. Returning the smile Emma gave Henry a quick hug before determinedly leaving the apartment.

"What was that?" David asked.

Mary Margaret just smiled, her expression filled with pride and conspiracy, a smile he knew far too well. She blinked at him and gave him an innocent look as she took another sip of her hot chocolate and cinnamon. Shrugging, she answered, "She had to go."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: A Pirate's Choice

Author: knottythoughts

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Once Upon A Time.

Chapter 7

Despite her determined leaving of her parents place, Emma wasn't really sure what to do next. She didn't feel right about directly going to Killian's apartment, particularly if Milah was there. As much as she wanted Killian, the idea of being a "homewrecker" was giving her confidence a kick in the teeth. But she also knew that if she just let Killian go she knew she'd regret it. At least regretting not telling him how she felt about him.

Remembering why she so often avoided relationships she stopped. Just deciding to retreat to try and call him and go from there, Killian suddenly turned the corner a block in front of her.

"Hook!" she called out. Moving quickly, but refusing to run, she met him just outside of the clock tower library. Using her sheriff's master key she opened the door and pulled them both inside.

"Emma – ," Killian began at the same time that she said his name. Always the gentleman, Killian indicated for her to proceed first.

Opening her mouth a few times, hesitating each time about what to say, the energy coursing through her body propelling her to begin pacing back and forth.

"Emma?" Killian questioned.

"I shouldn't be doing this," she told him.

"Doing what, love?"

"I miss you, Killian," exploded from her mouth. "I know I shouldn't be saying this to you and I promised not to put you in this position, especially since it was me always pushing you away before we went back in time and therefore we barely started because of me, but, I miss you, Killian, it's not fair to you, I know, and especially not fair to Milah, but I had to say something-"

Killian ended her uncharacteristic rant with his mouth. Grabbing her close, he ravished her mouth with desperate aggression. His hands couldn't get enough, the kiss couldn't go deep enough, and when they broke apart gasping for breath, Emma didn't remember being how she had come to be sitting on the check-out desk – she barely remembered her own name.

"I missed you too, Emma."

She smiled at him, "I got that."

"Milah and I ended it. I was on my way to tell you."

"You did?"

He nodded loving the dazed look on her face, both from his kiss and his revelation. He loved that he was able to throw the impenetrable Emma Swan off like few could. "She's the same Milah, but I'm not the same Killian. The Killian she loved died with her. This Killian," he pressed one of her hands to his chest. "I love you, Swan."

His beautiful face blurred before her eyes and she didn't fight the need to pull it in closer. Taking his mouth again she kissed him with every emotion she'd tried to deny since the moment she'd first seen those blue eyes and cocky smile.

"I think you need to take me back to your apartment," she told him her hands finding their way under his shirt to touch warm skin.

Killian gave her a frustrated grin. "Sadly, love, Milah has confiscated my apartment. She was always a pirate that one. Your place?"

"My parents, son and Regina are all at my place." Frustration was mounting by the second as Killian's hands continued to run over her body. Up her back, and over her hips, before stroking over her thighs.

He leaned in and kissed her lightly. "We can wait until -."

Reaching back out she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss that made their earlier one seem tame. Her fingers found the openings of his vest and quickly made work of them, her lips leaving his and making their way down his neck, one hand playing with the hair of his chest that peeked out of his shirt and always drove her nuts, while the other hand found its way down his back and curled over his ass. With little resistance Emma pressed him closer to her neediest part while her legs began to wrap around him locking him there. "Why wait?"

She loved his cocky grin, his mischievous smirk, his vulnerable smile. But this, this look of pure joy on his face, aimed solely at her, this was her favourite look. "Why indeed, love."

Things became frenzied. The hands that sought to remove the barriers of clothing between them were in sync with the skin that demanded to be closer and closer.

Clothes were tossed and strewn around the room and the pile of books on Belle's desk went crashing to the floor. Feeling a moment of guilt Emma started to move to pick up the displaced books only to have Killian's mouth distract her by latching on to a nipple and sucking strongly. Books forgotten, Emma laced her hands in his thick hair and pulled him in closer.

"More, Killian, more," she found herself begging though she had never felt the desperate need to beg a man before, yet as he began to grind against her, his still leather clad cock finding her clit, she found herself almost incoherently screaming, "Oh god, yes, Killian!"

"Now, Killian," she begged, her hand seeking the ties on his pants. Her fingers delved just within the leather barely touching his skin when he pushed her hands away. "Not yet, love," he breathed against the delicate skin between her breasts. Slowly, he made his way down her torso; nipping, laving and kissing, the scruff of his beard stimulating every nerve end on his way.

Leaning back, he took her in. Naked on the desk except for a pair of red, lace panties and that cascading blonde hair of hers. Green eyes dazed, light blemishes on her skin marking his trail down her body. The most stunning creature he'd even seen. Moving in, he placed a soft kiss to her lips; a thank you. A declaration.

Adjusting her position on the desk, he began to slide her panties down her thighs, his body lowering to continue the process. The evidence of her arousal was both an affirmation and humbling, and almost equal to his own. He could feel every heartbeat throbbing through his cock as it strained to get to that vital source of pleasure, but he made himself resist for now. Leaning in, he brought his mouth to her inner right thigh, stimulating it as he'd done her stomach, his right hand stroking up her left thigh, with each forward and back movement getting closer to the ultimate goal.

He grinned as the words pouring from her lips began to get more frantic, beginning to blur together. Moving, he sought the core of her, taking that first swipe through the liquid pooling there before finding her clit and sucking on it as his fingers moved up her thigh to enter her pussy.

Crying out, Emma's hips began to rock on their own accord while her thighs muscles began to vibrate. It didn't take long for her to go over the edge screaming out his name. Killian, in one fluid motion, was up off the floor, wrapping her legs around his hips, taking her mouth, and slamming himself within her.

He couldn't move hard or fast enough to satisfy either of them. The need to be desperately closer to each other, seemed to be driving them both. Killian's fingers dug into her hips, while Emma's nails dug into his back urging him on. Emma's inner muscles clenched around him, trying to lock him within her while Killian kept trying to get deeper and deeper. Their mutual orgasm rose quickly; intensely, slamming into them at nearly the same time, ripping through their bodies and seeming to knit their souls together.

Sated and panting in each other's' arms, Belle's desk thoroughly rearranged, Emma tilted her head back slightly so that she could once again see those eyes that stole her breath whenever they looked at her like they were now. Taking a deep breath, she spoke the words she'd needed to say for a while now, that he already knew, but she'd kept back from him for selfish reasons. Reasons that looking at him she couldn't even remember, especially as she felt him stirring within her already recovering for round two.

"I love you, Killian."

**Note: Thanks to those who have stuck with me until the end of this story.**


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